Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated. — Confucius
How does one’s mind work?
The way our minds operates is the same as how a factory works. Input — Process — Output. A very simple idea. Nothing fancy. Just like any factory in the world, the more input you have, the more work you have to do, the more output you will get.
What are the main inputs for your mind?
From your 5 senses — sight, hearing, touch, smell, and taste.
When you were a kid, you learned not to something or to do something by experiencing with your senses. You touched a hot thing, you learned your lesson. In a very similar way, you learn everything else. As a kid, you had such a simple mind factory. Your inputs are purely from your own experience, from what your parents, teachers, or friends share with you.
The situation only gets worse when you get older, your inputs can become much more complicated and diverse. Why?
Because your inputs are not only come from your 5 senses anymore. The factory now can create its own inputs based on the current inputs. These inputs are much more complicated and confusingly vague.
Because these inputs are coming from within. Therefore, to stop them, you need to stay strong, you need to be able to control yourself, you need to be able to tame your mind.
What are these inputs?
- Comparison
We love to compare.
As kids, if we do not have what your friend has, we will not be happy. There is something in our mind urges you to have the same thing even if we do not really like it or need it. We would cry, we would act weirdly to force our parents to get it for us.
As adults, we love to compare too. From our Facebook, Instagram… we got to know that “a friend from high school”, whom we haven’t talked to for 1000 years, owns a fancy car and a beautiful house by the water. Our minds started to compare between us and that random friend whom we just saw on on our Facebook newsfeed. We ended up feeling sad because we do not possess those fancy things and we have to work our ass off to make a living.
Comparison is not bad. The bad thing here is who you are comparing with.
Comparison is good when you compare yourself today with yourself from yesterday. Comparison is only bad when you compare yourself with others.
Why?
Because we all have different stories. We are in different situations. It doesn’t matter if we used to be in the same situation. We are different. You can’t compare orange to apple.
When you compare today’s yourself with yourself from yesterday, you will learn a lot. I call it “Self-reflection”. Life is a school itself. The only difference is that you have no teacher. You are your own teacher. You have to teach yourself. You have to motivate yourself.
2. Expectation
Expectations are the most complicated products of our minds. Expectations take us to the most beautiful scenario. And therefore, expectations also create disappointments.
You expect that you would pass the exam because you did a really good job.
You expect that you would make a good investment decision because you did thorough research.
Your expectation is a trap. It can let you down badly. It can make you sad, disappointed.
Expectation is unreal. It is a product of your mind. You haven’t passed your exam yet, you haven’t made that amazingly profitable investment yet. There was nothing but your mind made it seem like everything good and amazing is already there for you.
How to be happier?
Don’t compare to others.
It is easy to say but not to do. — Anonymous.
You have to practice. Step by step. Train yourself. Change your habits. Physically and mentally.
1. Take a break from social media.
Challenge yourself. Stop using Facebook or Instagram… for a week. Two weeks. Three weeks.
2. Use social media in a smarter way.
Stop following people you do not really care about. Focus on your core relationships.
I have been using the second option for a while. I mainly use Facebook to stay in touch with people, however, I do not follow anyone on Facebook. Therefore, there is nothing on my Facebook’s newsfeed. If I want to know what my friends are up to, I just visit their personal Facebook page.
3. Practice “Self-reflection”
Self-reflection is one of the best ways to learn about yourself. It allows you to know yourself better and therefore it will help you to stop comparing yourself to others.
Just think about what you have done during the day and what needs to be done better and what needs to be eliminated.
Don’t expect or Lower your expectation.
It is easier to stop comparing. But it is harder to stop expecting. You really have to control your mind. Tame it.
My way of controlling my expectation is to “hope for the best, prepare for the worst”. I acknowledge that it is almost impossible for me to have no expectations at all. But it is possible for me to control it, whenever I have to deal with big events like interviews, investing… I always hope for the best but at the same time, I always think about the worst scenario. This way I can train my mind to get ready for both the best-case scenario and the worst-case scenario.
Remember, you are not your mind. You are the master of your mind. You have to control your mind.
